Lost In Neverland

At work yesterday, we were talking about the new Peter Pan. I don't know anything about it, but I said that I have no interest in it because I see enough grown children around me all the time

I've spent most of my adult life focused on growth, evolution, and learning. Those things are a central focus for me. Luckily, I love to learn, and fairly early on I became fascinated with personal cultivation. Studying culture, tradition, lifestyle, psychology, and even biology. Getting a better idea of how people work fascinates me. It stems mostly from a desire to live a healthy life, understand myself, my subconscious motivations and blind spots, but I've learned a lot about people, and grown so much

A little while back someone I was talking to asked me if the reason I haven't dated, or been in a romantic relationship in so long was due to choice, or circumstance. I said "A little of both". I adore love, and can't think of anything I'd enjoy more than to have a partner and companion to grow with, and share love with, but because of that, it's important to me to find someone who is a good match, who has similar views, and values, and someone who can appreciate me as much as I appreciate them

Here's the paradox. When you focus on becoming a better person, and partner, understanding your desires, and motivations, and living as honestly, openly, and authentically as possible, it can alienate you from the people around you and society at large. Most of the social norms are built to preserve the capacity for transaction, not to cultivate honesty, truth, or personal evolution. The way I live doesn't appeal to most, and the way they live doesn't appeal to me. There's a reason the shaman lives at the edge of the village

From what I see, it feels like most people in modern culture don't really advance as humans beyond adolescence. A lot of people collect experience, but don't learn much. They get stuck in habitual patterns of extraction, insecurity, entitlement, tend to take everything personally, and have very poor impulse control. In short they are driven entirely by attachment to their egos, and desires with little consideration for anything else. This kind of capacity, and behaviour is annoying yet understandable from teenagers, but it's horrifying, and revolting to see from adults on such a regular basis. It certainly doesn't make for appealing relationship prospects, nor does it give me much in common with the people I meet. Granted, I understand that working in an auto factory for 28 years also doesn't give me the broadest, or most accurate cross section of culture, but it's what I see when I venture out into the community as well

I think a lot of it stems from the lack of "Rites of Proving" or "Coming of Age" rituals in modern culture. Other than the education system, and economic markers (which aren't a good proxy for emotional resilience, or interpersonal/relationship skills) there are no rites of proving. In indigenous traditions, if you are a grown adult who can't prove your resilience, integrity and accountability, you're still considered a child regardless of your age, but here in modern culture, all you have to do is survive, and you're given all the rights, privileges, and credibility of an adult. If you become successful economically, or professionally you're seen as a high status individual even if you're just a selfish, middle aged child or bully. The internet is littered with millions of them

I'm not saying that I don't struggle with my shadow as well. I do. I'm just a student of life, and have all the baggage that my experiences, and internal quirks have conditioned me to, but I've also spent a lot of time and energy trying to uncover, face, dissolve, and release those things. I been trying to live an impeccable life for many many years. I guess that makes me weird