Collaboration In Relationship

When I see people in relationships that aren't happy, it seems like they tend to be hyper-focused on their own specific needs that aren't being met in the relationship. In unhappy relationships, that's probably true for both partners. I think it might be a good exercise to sit down together on a regular basis (I'd suggest regularly scheduling this) and ask each other a couple simple questions. Maybe even make a list of the results in order to keep both of you accountable to the practice

1. Do you feel like you have specific relationship needs that aren't currently being met?

2. What does that (need being met) look like to you? (as in how can I best accomplish meeting your need?)

These are both very powerful questions. They'll help to show where there's a gap in the current situation compared to the ideal situation, as well as identifying the specific way the issue can be addressed. Often when people feel their needs aren't being met, they might say something like "I need more affection" or "I need more space", and the way we might try to accomodate that could backfire because each partner has a different perspective on the solution. By asking "What does that look like to you?" we can find solutions that meet the need without giving mixed messages

If both partners participate in this practice regularly, and follow through with the negotiated outcome, issues don't need to grow problems. Clearly needs will change, and evolve over time, and what might be a need today could be an issue in the future, but this kind of regular communication would make addressing such things far more accessible for both partners

It's always important to remember that relationships are a collaboration. They don't have to be a struggle